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Rants

Wife listening to Husband talk to himself as he watches 25 minutes of The Bachelor

James: We don’t need to see him have the exact same conversation with every girl. We’re here to see the girls fight.
James: If you ever run at me and try to jump into my arms, there’s a good chance that I won’t catch you.
James: (valley girl voice) ‘That looks comfy!’ Let me just put this blanket on the fuckin’ rocks. He really knows how to treat a lady. Hey there are chairs everywhere but this blanket on the rocks seems better.
James: Sitting on the fucking floor. Enough of that, right Emily?
James: Awesome they’re starting to cry.
James: Personal breakdowns.
James: She’s all snotty.
James: That makeup is totally waterproof, it doesn’t come off at all.
James: On American Idol if they exploit your tragedy and your house- you’re in! On Bachelor if they show you whining and crying -you’re out!
James: If there wasn’t a camera there that guy would be running, running like a bastard.
James: I hope they have their shots.
James: I’m totally going on the Bachelor next season.
James: I have a lot to offer these ladies.
James: Wait, no wonder this show takes so fucking long. He has a stash of roses. This show should take a week, tops.
James: She’s not getting one. She’s not getting one. That one is crazy as shit.
James: Why does that ‘last rose’ dude have to come out? Where is he the whole time?
James: LAST ROOOOOOOSE.
James: If you didn’t get a rose, get out.
James: Look at how she’s walking. She’s zany. You don’t know anything about zany girls.
James: Look at how many girls he has left, is this going to be on until July?
James: Awesome they’re all breaking down.
James: Wait the Kardashian’s have another show now? That’s how I know the Mayan Calendar is real. End of fucking days. I bet there’s a carving, a glyph of Kim and her fucking sister on the Mayan calendar. But not the giant one, because they would have thought she was a monster.

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